Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Moulting snakes on the path. Another therapy metaphor.

When people are in ‘therapy mode’, a time of introspection and inner work, they may go through an equivalent of moulting. As a snake sheds an old skin that has got too tight, old identity is cast aside while a new one is being forged. 

Earlier I wrote about my distaste for too much therapy, for endless focus on the hole in the donut of life. Since disclaimers are often missed in the hurried reading that happens these days, let me repeat that I recognise  there may be a time for therapy. I just do not like to see people get stuck there. 

I do not like seeing people take on the mantle of victimhood as identity. 
It is ultimately disabling, but that is another topic.

To get back to the metaphor, there is a period when the old skin/ identity no  longer fits, but the new one is not quite ready. The snake is temporarily naked and extremely vulnerable. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the world keeps turning.
People walk by the place where the naked snake is trying to regenerate, accidentally scuffing sand or pebbles as they go about their ordinary business. To the snake every grain of sand feels like a rock, deliberately hurled to attack per*.  

Let’s call the person undergoing therapy  Snake and persons in snake’s life Walkers. 
Honesty moment: my only experience with the world of therapy is the role of  Walker. These remarks are based on  observations of friends and in particular a close friend, now deceased, who got stuck in therapy mode, obsessed with the hole in the donut. 

Both Snake and Walkers may do better if they keep some things in mind.

Walkers may want to tread carefully around Snake for a while, knowing that the loved is going through a tough time of vulnerability, allowing a safe space for the new identity to form, honouring Snake’s requests for specific language, avoiding triggers, and so on. 

Meanwhile Snake’s therapist may do well to remind Snake that the world does not revolve around per’s needs.  If Snake wants to maintain relationships per at some point has to recognise that the Walkers in per’s life are only fellow humans muddling through. IMHO a good therapist would help Snake to gain perspective, count some blessings,  and see interactions from both sides. 



*Per. 
Short for Person. Gender neutral pronoun pioneered by Marge Piercy in her  1976 sci fi novel Woman at the edge of Time. I like the idea of a gender neutral pronoun, but the use of They as singular grates on my  nerves. I am linguistically sensitive. 




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