The picture was snapped by a street photographer in 1978 in Victoria, the last month that we were a one child family. I find the body language quite fascinating. Note the determined little girl in the middle looking straight ahead, almost pulling the distracted parents who are scanning the scenery. We became a two-child family soon after, with 'one of each' just like we wanted.
Our twelve-year old grandson is an only child. When we visit our daughter's little family I always notice how calm, peaceful and friendly it is. Being a one and only has many advantages. It is just a different kind of family, complete in its own way.
Most parents of a single child of a certain age will tell you there is social pressure to have another one. Somehow there is no taboo against saying things like "So when are you starting on the next one? Don't you worry about little Only becoming a spoilt brat?" This wrong in so many ways.
First of all it is of just plain nobody's business.
Then the couple might love to have another child, but in spite of putting out the welcome mat no new soul is arriving. Or economic reality has interfered. If Mom has a steady job and Dad just got laid off now is not the best time. Every time a well-intentioned relative says "So, when is little Only getting a baby brother?" it rubs salt in the wound.
I used to worry a lot about population growth, and for that reason frowned upon anyone who had more than 2.
However, it now looks like prosperity, and above all the education and empowerment of women, takes care of the problem without coercion. Places like Europe, Japan and Singapore are looking at falling population levels. Yes! It turns out that many couples are quite happy with one child, or none. This is excellent news, or it will be once we get over the unsustainable BS that continuous growth is a necessity. That is another topic.
It means that if we just create decent conditions we can turn things loose, and won't have to resort to horrible measures like forced sterilization and abortions. Focus on schooling women and giving them some options and the population thing will fall into place.
More good news: when enough couples choose to remain childless or have a single their choice creates room for others to have a large family. Imagine a world where every family has one girl and one boy. How boring!
Some people are brilliant at raising children and choose to have lots of them, or they just happened. The world needs children from such families.
My fond fantasy is a world that is not wall-to-wall people. A world with room for wilderness and other species. It is also a world with many different kinds of families. There are singles living alone or in co-operative households. There are childless couples, small families, and large ones. It is a world where children are treasured, but not everyone feels called or pressured to have their own. It is a world that honours and respects the hard work of parenthood in all the ways that count. It is also a world that encourages a vigorous role for aunts, uncles, and grandparents, biological or chosen.
Let a thousand flowers bloom.
But this is about the reactions people get when they have just one child.
Our twelve-year old grandson is an only child. When we visit our daughter's little family I always notice how calm, peaceful and friendly it is. Being a one and only has many advantages. It is just a different kind of family, complete in its own way.
Most parents of a single child of a certain age will tell you there is social pressure to have another one. Somehow there is no taboo against saying things like "So when are you starting on the next one? Don't you worry about little Only becoming a spoilt brat?" This wrong in so many ways.
First of all it is of just plain nobody's business.
Then the couple might love to have another child, but in spite of putting out the welcome mat no new soul is arriving. Or economic reality has interfered. If Mom has a steady job and Dad just got laid off now is not the best time. Every time a well-intentioned relative says "So, when is little Only getting a baby brother?" it rubs salt in the wound.
I used to worry a lot about population growth, and for that reason frowned upon anyone who had more than 2.
However, it now looks like prosperity, and above all the education and empowerment of women, takes care of the problem without coercion. Places like Europe, Japan and Singapore are looking at falling population levels. Yes! It turns out that many couples are quite happy with one child, or none. This is excellent news, or it will be once we get over the unsustainable BS that continuous growth is a necessity. That is another topic.
It means that if we just create decent conditions we can turn things loose, and won't have to resort to horrible measures like forced sterilization and abortions. Focus on schooling women and giving them some options and the population thing will fall into place.
More good news: when enough couples choose to remain childless or have a single their choice creates room for others to have a large family. Imagine a world where every family has one girl and one boy. How boring!
Some people are brilliant at raising children and choose to have lots of them, or they just happened. The world needs children from such families.
My fond fantasy is a world that is not wall-to-wall people. A world with room for wilderness and other species. It is also a world with many different kinds of families. There are singles living alone or in co-operative households. There are childless couples, small families, and large ones. It is a world where children are treasured, but not everyone feels called or pressured to have their own. It is a world that honours and respects the hard work of parenthood in all the ways that count. It is also a world that encourages a vigorous role for aunts, uncles, and grandparents, biological or chosen.
Let a thousand flowers bloom.
